A row of color-coded coffin-like boxes, waiting for roll call, will never be touched until the treaty of the other actions are done. So, as someone once said: “Breathe Deep, Seek Peace”. The only ones who can be caught by theoretical thought police are those who do not calm their mind and camouflage their thoughts. “Friends” coming over, gotta prepare.
Go to the garage, walk on some specific tiles so I don’t have to go around again. Some people are happy now, so I won’t get hurt. Opening the attic in the garage, almost make anger by doing the wrong hand at wrong spot. Gotta be careful, can’t let things get more out of control then they already are. Control is an interesting concept, if real. You can see it in the garage, where not car parks, but meticulously organised boxes and stuff fell down after I had to quickly settle an agreement by finding something in specific order. Now everything has fallen down and I got a cut on the forehead. Even though the more squeamish ones urged me, I waited until the appropriate time to fix it. Maybe it does not matter, as someone once said, “when things are falling apart, they may actually be falling into place”, and it would break way too many treaties to clean it up now.
The friend that is tall with the J-name is the first to arrive, and the angry ones want me to be angry. Of course everyone else takes the other side, and there are many soldiers in the army of hate, but they are not really soldiers as much as politicians who simply can’t stop arguing. A few others keep their staunch belief that “arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing”. And others who remind me that I am not being an unbiased ruler, but if I were to not bargain away my actions on other worlds and realities just to gain control of this one, the actions taken in this one, then I could have helped others.
They say “This one hardly matters, just because you have tricked yourself, coping mechanism no doubt, that you are native to this world, does not mean you should value it more highly”. One who looks exactly (I think) like friend-who-died-from-cancer tells me that if other worlds are uncountable in their ordinals, then there is an uncountable amount of worlds where differences had happened and where people had lived or died at different times. Or where death has no effect at all. All this time I was speaking of uselessness to friend-with-J-in-name, in this world the things that matter are often realized by those who lie on deathbeds. Then friend-with-walk-that-is-different, recognisable and friend-who-if-I-could-better-remember-faces-I-would-surely-recognise-this-face, we go in car. Ignore question marks etched on faces that follow as I make sure nothing is in trunk or plate, license plate. Syllables are numbered when I say that I had to put something into… into it. Into trunk, that is.
But I keep all possessions in pockets. Say we will have adventures, is that they said, it is. I wonder how I can keep my actions from having a purpose, that is I do, if “I” exists, but not in a philosophical way. Later, after they get into trouble, I get into real trouble. Sure, robbers have guns but the hideousness[6] in real life is lining up for a particularly confusing disagreement, with a simple solution to just walk through the alleyway. Friend with a J says they will shoot and rob me if I do, but that will happen anyway, he just does not know, he stops me, I make him stop it, but first I have to count the cracks on sidewalk. After that, kill him.
Later when handcuffs click and the bloody knives, from attic, from garage, from messy hurty garage, from house, I guess it is my house. It is, was bad house, some might not miss it. The more people in your “head” if you can call it that, the more lonely you are. People demanding loyalty for being in the same “head” immediately desert when pain or when bad creatures scarily come to rooms at night. I know that if I move, police shoot, but as I go to jail, must step in a specific order, it will keep monsters away. Wherever we go, knowing it’s all okay, I stepped on the correct number of concrete tiles. Shooting or no, must keep treaty.
“Sometimes when things are falling apart, they may actually be falling into place.”
― J. Lynn, Fall with Me
“Breathe Deep, Seek Peace.”
― James Gurney, Dinotopia: A Land Apart from Time
“Arguments are to be avoided, they are always vulgar and often convincing.”
― Oscar Wilde
Photo by Tim Photoguy